Confession

I have something I need to get off my chest. I am not keeping a baby book of all of Owen's firsts. I know this may seem as a shock to some and reason for some of you to think less of me, but I just can't do it. I don't want to be strapped with the commitment (and guilt) of needing to document and catch every little thing . I don't really care. There, I said it. I am really not one of those mushy, gushy, sentimental types and didn't think motherhood should change that. I catch myself every now and then feeling a twinge of guilt at not documenting and recording every moment of Owen's growth and development, but it is what it is. Guilt also springs up when I hear other moms gush with each other about how wonderful their babies are. Example...how they can't lay their baby down because they are "just so cute that they can't stand it." I think Owen is the cutest thing ever...the cutest thing ever that needs to get a good nap to stay healthy and happy. Am I a bad mother? No...just a realistic one I think. :)

I guess it would also be helpful to share that I don't like to videotape things either! We didn't even have our own wedding videotaped for goodness sak.! :) Plus who really sits down to watch all those endless videos? Now, in my defense I do take LOTS of pictures and have a fantastic memory! I really don't need a baby book or a video camera to remember the important things! Like today. I will never forget being overcome with emotion walking down the frozen food isle with Owen. I looked down into the cart where he was quietly sleeping in his carseat amid piles of groceries. He had a slight 'paci' mark around his mouth and a sweet expression on his face. I had to fight back the tears just looking at him. I will also never forget the sound of his baby chatter. The sweet ohs and squeals will forever replay in my mind and draw a smile on my face. The best being when he talks to himself in the bathroom mirror. The conversation is intense! Then there is the moment of his birth. As much as I might want to forget the craziness of that moment, it is forever etched in my memory. He was just so amazing and the sheer size of him shocked us all! After delivery (and all those procedures they just have to do), he just layed there in his basinet and quietly turned his head towards the window to look out at the sunrise. When he began to fuss a little, we called out to him and he calmed at the sound of our voices. Those are the moments I treasure.

It may come across to some that my actions show a lack of care. Quite the contrary. I care A LOT. Just not in the things that are documented in a baby book. I care that he becomes a healthy adult. I care that he learns that he is not the center of the universe. I care that he cares for others and learns to share. I care that he aquires a love for learning. And I care that he becomes a strong man of God. Those are the things that matter....and I don't think they make a baby book for that. Glad I got that off my chest.

Happy Birthday Mom

To say that my birthday was a rough day would be saying it about right! Don't get me wrong, Mike tried really hard to make it a good day and my brother and his wife were here which was very special, but Owen stole the show. It began the night before by Owen refusing to go to sleep. He was always wanting to nurse. At 11:00pm I guess he finally felt full enough to fall asleep. He then proceeded to wake up at 2am and at 5am and at 6:30am. He had been sleeping 7 hours a night faithfully before this so I was not used to waking up during the night like that! Well Michael sent me back to bed and told me that since it was my birthday he would take Owen and let me sleep in. I wanted to tell him that I would rather he take over breast feeding for my birthday! I did get to sleep in a bit which was absolutely wonderful!


Then the day began with us trying to do fun things at home and around town since my brother and his wife were here. Owen fussed here and there but refused to nap! And he began this ridiculous cycle of wanting to eat every hour/hour and a half! Talk about sore! :) He got in one good nap in the afternoon where I quickly jumped in the shower and got a few things cleaned up while everyone else napped. I tried to lay down...but my mind was racing, so my efforts were in vain. "What was wrong with Owen?, Did I put the laundry in the dryer?, Do I have everything I need for the BBQ tomorrow?, etc"

We did sneak in a good dinner out and a quick walk, but ended the evening with crazy feeding 45min to an hour apart. It meant rushing to open gifts and me cutting birthday cake for everyone but myself so I could comfort screaming Owen. Somehow ice cream cake didn't sound so yummy when my little one was so upset last night. We are hoping it is just a silly growth spurt coming on (like he needs one!) and nothing else.


But when he woke up this morning (way too early mind you) he greeted me with a smile and a bit of a chat. That made the sorrow of yesterday disappear. Owen is SO worth it.


So I a going to secretly steal another day next week and declare it my birthday 'again' and make that a special day (swedish pancakes for breakfast, lunch with a friend, a cool walk at the mall, a soak in the tub with a good book, coffee at night with Mike). But I am not going to let Owen in on the secret plan! shhhh

Treat for mom

Today was the day I have been dreading since writing it down on my calendar....Owen's 2 month checkup. Don't get me wrong! I love going to our doctor, getting Owen weighed and measured, asking all my questions, etc. But today my little guy had to get 4 shots. It amazes me what these poor little babies have to go through so early on in life! I am an adult and I hate getting shots but I have to say watching my little boy get them is far worse!

Well....like all good moms I had planned this appointment at the perfect time! Right after a nap and a feeding so Owen would be in good spirits. But....like all little babies...Owen had his own plan! He woke up early this morning throwing our perfect routine out the window! So much for that! Needless to say I had to wake him up in the middle of a stellar nap to get to the doctor, never a good idea! By the time we got around to the shots he was already crying before they poked him. Once they did, he screamed like I have never heard him scream before. With every shot the scream would reach greater heights! It sounded like a scream of pain and betrayal. It took everything within me not to cry, but even so a few tears snuck their way out! I felt so helpless....I couldn't even bribe him with anything! No suckers, no ice cream, no toys, just nursing....and he was too ticked to even do that! So on the way home I gave myself a treat (allowing him to sleep a bit longer!), coffee from the drive thru at the Filing Station. We weren't going through the trauma of shots without someone getting a treat!

By the way, Owen weighed in at 15 pounds this visit. :)