Confession

I have something I need to get off my chest. I am not keeping a baby book of all of Owen's firsts. I know this may seem as a shock to some and reason for some of you to think less of me, but I just can't do it. I don't want to be strapped with the commitment (and guilt) of needing to document and catch every little thing . I don't really care. There, I said it. I am really not one of those mushy, gushy, sentimental types and didn't think motherhood should change that. I catch myself every now and then feeling a twinge of guilt at not documenting and recording every moment of Owen's growth and development, but it is what it is. Guilt also springs up when I hear other moms gush with each other about how wonderful their babies are. Example...how they can't lay their baby down because they are "just so cute that they can't stand it." I think Owen is the cutest thing ever...the cutest thing ever that needs to get a good nap to stay healthy and happy. Am I a bad mother? No...just a realistic one I think. :)

I guess it would also be helpful to share that I don't like to videotape things either! We didn't even have our own wedding videotaped for goodness sak.! :) Plus who really sits down to watch all those endless videos? Now, in my defense I do take LOTS of pictures and have a fantastic memory! I really don't need a baby book or a video camera to remember the important things! Like today. I will never forget being overcome with emotion walking down the frozen food isle with Owen. I looked down into the cart where he was quietly sleeping in his carseat amid piles of groceries. He had a slight 'paci' mark around his mouth and a sweet expression on his face. I had to fight back the tears just looking at him. I will also never forget the sound of his baby chatter. The sweet ohs and squeals will forever replay in my mind and draw a smile on my face. The best being when he talks to himself in the bathroom mirror. The conversation is intense! Then there is the moment of his birth. As much as I might want to forget the craziness of that moment, it is forever etched in my memory. He was just so amazing and the sheer size of him shocked us all! After delivery (and all those procedures they just have to do), he just layed there in his basinet and quietly turned his head towards the window to look out at the sunrise. When he began to fuss a little, we called out to him and he calmed at the sound of our voices. Those are the moments I treasure.

It may come across to some that my actions show a lack of care. Quite the contrary. I care A LOT. Just not in the things that are documented in a baby book. I care that he becomes a healthy adult. I care that he learns that he is not the center of the universe. I care that he cares for others and learns to share. I care that he aquires a love for learning. And I care that he becomes a strong man of God. Those are the things that matter....and I don't think they make a baby book for that. Glad I got that off my chest.